I can not believe it has been 4 months since I posted-a very busy summer. I read this article during the fair and it had a deep impact on me and wish to share it with others.
Some scientists say that the existence of mankind is melting away because some Polar bears are disappearing faster than a bag of marijuana at a Puff Daddy Concert. We are told that polar bears are an "indicator species", much like the canary who was taken into mine shafts to warn miners that they'd best be searching for daylight when the bird fell of it's perch.
I have no argument with the concept of indicator species, I just think that instead of polar bears there are specimenns much closer to home to keep an eye on to tell us when Armageddon will arrive. Here are my top 10 indicator species. . .
*Bee Keepers: Look in your Yellow Pages and you'll find they are as easy to find as knees on a bee. Their disaperance wouldn't be as much of a concern if one-third of the food we eat didn't result from bee pollination. They may not be as cuddly as polar bears but I think we should be far more worried about their disappearance.
*Sheep Shearers: These folks are disapearing faster than lambs in Wyoming. There are a couple of reasons for this and they have nothing to do with global warming. Our sheep industry has been exported to New Zealand and Austrailia and the shearers are all making more money clipping humans at Supercuts. I think my last haircut was given to me by an intoxicated and blindfolded sheep shearer. I smelled like KRS for a week.
*Blacksmiths: One day we'll pay for parking the horse and carriage in favor of the automobile. And with gas at $4 a gallon I think that time is rapidly approaching. When we do finally come to our senses all the blacksmiths will be making Jewelery, tongue studs and wrought iron security gates.
*Chicken Farmers: Chickens used to be raised on 95 percent of our farms but now they are as rare as a bunkhouse Feng Shui expert. I think there are only three left.
*Knitters: Remember when grandmas passed the time by knitting instead of yanking on slot machines? If we ever get into a war with China we're all gonna be running around naked because no one knows how to make their own clothes anymore.
* Livestock Auctioneers: Oh, sure there are more auctioneers than ever, but they are all selling foreclosed real estate. The three meat packers left are trying to put livestock auctioneers out of business. . . right along with true price discover.
* Logging Truck Drivers: Be honest now-when was the last time you were run off the road by a logging truck? The few logging truck drivers that somehow managed to survive the spotted owl are not being wiped out by $4 diesel. If you don't think this is serious go the lumber yard and ask the price for a 2-by-6-redwood board.
* Knife Sharpners: There used to be an agreeable fellow who came by the place on a regular basis to sharpen our knives and scissors. Lately though this indicator species has been harder to find than an NFL linebacking interior decorator. This is too bad because we import more of our beef and other meat from Brazil, Argentina and 30 other countries around the world we are going to need much sharper tableware.
*Large Animal Veterinarians. These are harder to find in vet schools these days than male students. They are about as popular as farrowing crates. This is a concern to me and my fellow aging baby boomers who won't be able to afford medical advice, and assorted ointments and salves, when the vet comes to the ranch to preg check the cows.
*Trappers: When Congressmen start coming in close contact with all the wolves and mountain lions they stocked our backyards with they'll come to their senses and start paying people to get rid of them. Just like we used to do before we handed over our government to English majors, lawyers and overeducated urbanites who seem to care more about saving fairy shrimp than they do kids.
